


before at best gone bittersweet

by seraf



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Nonbinary Shinguji Korekiyo, Past Abuse, Past Incest, Platonic Relationships, Recovery, Sibling Incest, Therapy, Ultimate Talent Development Plan (Dangan Ronpa), kiyo and maki r . . . friends? found family?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22983340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraf/pseuds/seraf
Summary: they don't think that they could do this alone. they don't think they would be /capable/ of doing this alone, like if they crossed the threshold, their legs would give out under them, or they would melt, like salt thrown on a slug. they can't say the word 'victim' in application to themselves without feeling as though they're going to vomit.harukawa is there, however, to support them. they hold onto her like a lifeline.
Relationships: Harukawa Maki & Shinguji Korekiyo, Shinguji Korekiyo & Shinguji Korekiyo's Sister
Comments: 13
Kudos: 103





	before at best gone bittersweet

_just like other forms of childhood trauma, sexual abuse by a sibling can have long-lasting effects on a victim. survivors of sexual abuse may feel like they were to blame. they also may convince themselves they were a co-conspirator, rather than a victim. there’s also a deep sense of shame that occurs when the perpetrator was a family member._

_sometimes survivors experience sexual dysfunction, mental health problems, or ptsd as a result of the abuse. unfortunately, due to the nature of sibling abuse, the sense of powerlessness can be more pervasive compared to sexual abuse perpetrated by others. adult survivors sometimes experience –––_

they crumple up the pamphlet in their hands, smoothing out the creases and then folding it into a tiny square, unfolding it, refolding it, until the words become illegible. it feels … safer, this way. like if they can’t read them, the words might as well not be there. like this means they can stand up and walk out, now. the issue is gone. 

‘ i - i don’t think, ‘ they murmur, and swallow, try again. ‘ i don’t think i can do this. ‘ 

harukawa levels a stony glare at them. ‘ you’re going through with this, or i’ll cut off your legs and drag you in there myself. ‘ her harsh words, the face she makes, is a harsh contrast to the way her hand gently slips into one of theirs, squeezing it, soft and reassuring. bringing them down to reality. 

they sit silently in the waiting room for another few heartbeats, though theirs is too erratic to tell them apart. maybe if they go into cardiac arrest, they can - they can leave. they don’t have to talk about it. they can hold onto the idea that it was _love._ ( it was the only kind of love they had ever known. what are they supposed to do now? who - who are they meant to be? )

maki murmurs, more gently now. ‘ … if you really feel like you need to leave, we can go. but i think you need to do this. ‘ 

‘ no, i - i. ‘ they swallow, duck their head. they can’t disappoint her, too. but maki squeezes their hand firmly, and they feel, for a moment, that they don’t _have_ to be anything for her. just … her friend. and this is - she won’t care, if their composure breaks. they don’t _need_ to be unwavering, to not let their voice stutter. 

their head ducks to their chest, and they let out a quiet hiccup of a sob, trying to keep their breath steady. harukawa … doesn’t judge them. shifts so that they’re leaning against her shoulder, so she’s rubbing circles into their back, even though her face remains stoic. slowly, carefully, they remember how to catch their breath. 

‘ sorry, ‘ they murmur, and methodically begin to tear the pamphlet apart, along the creases that they folded into it earlier. ‘ no, this is - you’re right. this is something i need to do. i just … ‘ 

‘ i know, ‘ harukawa says, and her tone is flat, but they know she understands what they mean. they wonder how many times she dealt with this, in … people admittedly much _smaller_ than shinguuji. 

‘ yeah, ‘ they exhale, the energy draining out of them, their shoulders slumping. ‘ yeah. ‘ there’s a small pile of glossy paper shreds in their lap, as they methodically rip apart what’s left of the pamphlet. 

‘ what if you’re wrong? ‘ they murmur. ‘ what if - what if it wasn’t … ‘ they can’t bring themselves to say _abuse,_ can’t make themselves imply she was wrong. ‘ what if it was my fault? either … as a perpetrator, or a willing participant? i thought - i thought i loved her, after all, doesn’t that mean - ‘ 

‘ kiyo-chan. ‘ maki says firmly, and her grip on their hand becomes tighter for a moment, sharp enough to draw them out of their thoughts. ‘ you were a _child._ you thought it was okay because you were groomed into thinking it was. she was supposed to take care of you. ‘ 

their eyes squeeze shut, tight enough that phosphenes begin to swim across their vision. ‘ but she _did, ‘_ they say, voice weak. ‘ i feel like - i feel like i’m ungrateful for all she did for me. i can’t - if i do this - ‘ 

‘ you aren’t ungrateful, ‘ maki says, and they find themselves leaning a little more heavily against her. ‘ _maybe_ she did some good things for you, but that doesn’t make what she did any less bad. ‘ 

they open their mouth to reply, when they hear their name called out by one of the assistants, holding a clipboard and with a pleasant smile. they stand up all at once, so fast that their head rushes for a moment, and realize they’re still clutching onto maki’s hand, as though it’s a lifeline. 

‘ … will you come with me? ‘ they ask, and they hate how helpless their voice sounds. 

she stands up with them. ‘ don’t be stupid. of course i will. ‘ she catches the look in their eye, and juts her chin out. ‘ and if i’m not allowed to, i’ll _still_ come, if you want the support. what are they going to do, stop me? ‘ 

that pulls a small, hiccuping laugh out of them, and an immense feeling of _relief_ floods them. ‘ thank you, maki-chan, ‘ they murmur, as the two of them begin to follow the nurse to one of the offices. they hesitate, looking down at the building’s bland carpet. ‘ sometimes … well, were it not for the connotations, i would say you are like a sister to me. ‘ 

she doesn’t reply, and they look over to her, worried they’ve said something wrong, but she seems to be staring straight ahead. fear begins to crawl up their throat. 

‘ i wish i could have been, ‘ maki says, suddenly. ‘ i wish you had been my … sibling, too. would’ve been nice to have someone else help out with the kids, you know? ‘ 

they understand what she’s saying, and they can’t help but smile a tiny bit, under their mask, maki’s hand still firm around their own. 

**Author's Note:**

> i just think. maki and kiyo should be friends


End file.
